A pervasive quandary – How To Make Love Last? It’s a question that we all have in an age of hook-up culture. To my astonishment, it’s actually a lot different from making a relationship last.

And with that, I turned to an expert. Pierz Newton-John is a psychoanalyst and published author who teaches classes on love and relationships for the School of Life in Melbourne. In this episode, we talk about the danger of following your feelings, the unconscious mind and how it affects us day-to-day, the importance of people’s complexities, when the perfect time is to end a relationship, the biggest mistake people make when choosing partners, love languages, the anxiety of overwhelming choice in an age of dating apps, and of course, how to find and make love last.


How to make love last, and other things discussed in this episode:

  • Erin Kyna on episode 5 
  • Conscious uncoupling 
  • Breaking up when the kids are involved
  • Why is it so hard to find a partner today?
  • The shifting attitudes of relationships in the past 50 years
  • Pragmatism versus romantic love
  • The anxiety created by overwhelming choice
  • The swiping impulse and relationship “shopping”
  • Solving our romantic dilemmas with dating apps
  • The emotional labour that online dating requires
  • The burden of romantic myths
  • Attraction versus compatibility
  • Why you should never follow your feelings
  • The unconscious mind versus your intuition
  • How to develop relationship wisdom
  • When is it time to end a relationship?
  • The role of attachment styles in relationships (how we intimately relate to others)
  • The biggest mistake people make when choosing partners
  • The halo effect of physical attractiveness
  • Why women take care of the admin side of a relationship
  • The gendered language we use to describe behaviour within relationships
  • Compatibility as an outcome of a relationship, not a prerequisite
  • Love languages 
  • David Whyte – The Three Marriages
  • Why learning how to make love last it different from making a relationship last
  • Fault Lines 
  • How to use Tinder
  • Love with a half-hearted attempt
  • How to protect yourself in love


You can further develop your relationship wisdom by attending Pierz’ next classes at The School of Life in Melbourne.

How to find and make love last – BOOK TICKETS

How to move on from a relationship – BOOK TICKETS

All We Cannot Say is a dating podcast that explores love, sex, joy and heartbreak through a lens of philosophical enquiry. Subscribe via iTunes to learn more about relationships 2.0, ethical non-monogamy, sexuality, lgbt issues, modern romance, adventures on Tinder, online dating, compassion, empathy, sex tech and more.