Men, on average, die five years younger than women, and researchers believe that a big part of that gap is about social isolation. In other words, men are dying before women, to some extent, due to a lack of support amongst men themselves.
It’s also true that there’s a tendency for men to avoid seeking care for depression and our cultural norms discourage men from seeking help for mental illness.

In the interest of discussing these alarming statistics from someone with more experiential wisdom, I spoke with James Ferne of The Men’s Collective. They’re a Melbourne based support group for millennial men to self-reveal, reflect and support one another all in the name of personal development and mental health. Ultimately, The Men’s collective is a space for dudes to be seen and heard, and to break down barriers of pride, shame and stigma.

In this episode, we talk about:

  • The effect of WW1 and 2 on masculinity
  • Why your friends can’t always give you advice
  • Why you need an objective sounding board
  • The benefit of an objective understanding
  • The difference between speaking form the heart and the head
  • The art of manliness
  • Why inner strength is a muscle
  • The shame in over-sharing
  • Is your drunk self your real self?
  • The physiological pain of social rejection – it actually HURTS physically
  • Limbic resonance and how our parents teach us how to respond emotionally
  • Beyond Mars and Venus by John Gray
  • Why guys find it easier to open up through activity
  • Why suicide is the biggest killer of men under 45
  • Men are 3 times more likely to die from suicide than women
  • Manhood by Steve Biddulph
  • The effect of the industrial revolution on gender roles
  • Alex White and Modern Masculinity
  • Why we only see the 1% of what men look like on social media
  • What is a fuckboi?
  • How to cultivate a space of honesty and self-revelation
  • The hierarchy of honesty
  • Social media anxiety
  • The over-pathologisation of feelings
  • How to know when it’s time to see a psychologist
  • Prozac Nation by Elizabeth Wurtzel
  • Marshall Rosenburg and the Theory of NonViolent Communication


The Men’s Collective holds monthly meetings for young men throughout Melbourne. Find out when the next event is on Facebook.


All We Cannot Say is a dating podcast that explores love, sex, joy and heartbreak through a lens of philosophical enquiry. Subscribe via iTunes to learn more about relationships 2.0, ethical non-monogamy, sexuality, lgbt issues, modern romance, adventures on Tinder, online dating, compassion, empathy, sex tech and more.