This particular episode comes at a time when it’s essential to talk about the experiences of sex workers. In the past week, not only was December 17 international day to end violence against sex workers, but December 19 also marked one year since exotic dancer Stacey Tierney died. Stacey’s body was found at Dreams Gentlemen’s Club in Melbourne, 12 hours after she was seen partying with several patrons. Her death is believed to be caused by a drug overdose, but no confirmation of this has been made.
Because no one has been charged with her highly suspicious death, more than 1300 signatures have been collected to call on Victoria Police to find out what happened.
Sex workers and their allies around the world are outraged, because it normalises a stigma around sex work: that it’s inherently dangerous, and that sex workers aren’t entitled to the same workplace safety laws.
It’s this kind of prejudice that plays into the myth that sex workers are responsible for crimes committed against them. While there is no evidence yet about how Stacey died, the media diminished her life and her death with salacious speculation about her ‘secret’ life … which must be heart-breaking for her grieving family and friends who received no closure.
Sex work, and sex workers, DO MATTER. And that’s the message of this episode.
It’s a sentiment that author Lola Davina explores in her self-help book As a former sex worker, Davina has first-hand insight and advice for staying sane, healthy and happy within an industry that’s so often misunderstood.
In this episode, we talk about mental health and sex work, and:
- Stoic philosophy and Seneca
- Pre-emptive negative visualisation
- Front-load thinkings versus back-end thinking
- The gift of fear
- Practical fears versus unwarranted fears
- Stigma and sex work
- Staying safe as a sex worker
- The fantasy of the girlfriend experience (GFE)
- Authenticity and personal brands
- What IS important in sex work? Regular customer service!
- The history of monogamy, sex and love
- Rachel Hills and The Sex Myth
- Mindfulness meditation
- The essential soft skills for sex work: awareness, empathy, patience and practice
- Legislation and sex work
- Brit Marling on men as gatekeepers of economics
- The psychology of commodified sexuality
- What to do if your partner wants to try and a fantasy and you DON’T
- Row Murray and For Foxe’s Sake
- The pros and cons of self publishing
- The Places that Scare You by Pema Chodron
- When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron
- How to Be an Adult by David Rihco
- Developing boundaries as a sex worker
- Developing boundaries as part of a secure identity
- Harvey Weinstein and consent
Follow Lola on Twitter.
Sign the petition to demonstrate your support for Stacey Tierney’s case.
All We Cannot Say is a dating podcast that explores love, sex, joy and heartbreak through a lens of philosophical enquiry. Subscribe via iTunes to learn more about relationships 2.0, ethical non-monogamy, sexuality, lgbt issues, modern romance, adventures on Tinder, online dating, compassion, empathy, sex tech and more.