Type in ‘relationship anarchy’ into Google and you’ll likely come across Mel Mariposa’s blog Polysingleish. I mean, that’s what I did. Mel is a relationship counsellor in Canada who specialises in coaching those who practice ethical non-monogamy. She helps them to redevelop, redefine and recreate their own emotional landscapes so that they can refine their relationship philosophies. The result are partnerships that are more in alignment with your own wants and needs, along with respecting other’s boundaries.

I don’t know about you, but that sure sounds a lot better than the cluster-fuck of ambiguous, digital-based relationships that dominate our lives at the moment.

Relationship anarchy and other things discussed in this episode:

  • Cross-cultural communication and etiquette in the Western world
  • Over-apologetic Canadians, punctual Germans and the tight-lipped British
  • Learning by doing
  • Expectation of perfection
  • Being gentle with those who make mistakes
  • Retraining your brain and dropping bad habits
  • Accountability in relationships – do our partners need to call us out?
  • Developing your own communication style
  • Relationship anarchy and a lack of rigid structures in modern relationships
  • Episode 3: More Than Two
  • Relationship labels – do we need to have containers for our intimacy?
  • Divorce is not the end of the world
  • How to date without expectations and still get your emotional needs met
  • Mel’s 3-part process for developing your relationship philosophy and elevator pitch
  • Being a part of a community that shares the same values
  • How to measure the depth of a relationship without the usual milestones of monogamy
  • Can you have commitment without obligation?
  • How to set boundaries in a non-monogamous relationship
  • The difference between enthusiastic willingness and reluctant willingness
  • Setting up boundaries
  • Consent culture and how to deal with violation
  • Micro-aggressions
  • How to deal with huggy people
  • What to do if you’ve violated someone’s autonomy
  • Cuddle parties
  • Shirking your emotional responsibilities in the name of radical responsibility
  • Why you should never, ever say ‘just calm down’
  • Finding a space of mutual willingness
  • How to manage new relationship energy – Oxytocin and shiny new things! – within monogamy and ethical non-monogamy

You can find more of Mel over at:


Consent Crew

Radical Relationships


All We Cannot Say is a dating podcast that explores love, sex, joy and heartbreak through a lens of philosophical enquiry. Subscribe via iTunes to learn more about relationships 2.0, ethical non-monogamy, sexuality, lgbt issues, modern romance, adventures on Tinder, online dating, compassion, empathy, sex tech and more.